


does he fill the space?

by ssilverarrowss



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Ficlet, Lack of Communication, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5059393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssilverarrowss/pseuds/ssilverarrowss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico wonders when Sebastian had settled in beneath Lewis’s skin, nestled himself neatly in the space between his ribs, crawled under his fingernails like a layer of grime that just can’t be washed off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	does he fill the space?

**Author's Note:**

> So the Seb/Lewis ship seems to be spreading like wildfire and I thought it would be an interesting thing to explore. Just a heads up, I don't ship it, at all. Title from 'Ties' by Years & Years.

Nico falls into third place.

Something shifts in the air between them, and suddenly Sebastian is there, lips at Lewis’s ear as the sound of their laugh fills Nico’s lungs and _cuts_. They stand so close they share breaths, fingers brushing, and Lewis’s eyes flood with affection. Nico’s heart gives a sad thump, skin prickling, because he remembers a time when when Lewis would look at _him_ like that. 

Nico breathes in and it’s _cold_ , it’s ice in his veins, fingers trembling as fear sits heavy and oppressive in the pit of his stomach, a dreadful sense of finality caught in the hollow of his throat, suffocating.

There isn’t enough space there for Nico, not enough to breathe, not enough to exist.

Nico falls into third place, and it’s not just in the standings.

*

Lewis presses a kiss to the corner of Nico’s mouth, messy and passionless, because old habits die hard.

“Nico.” He gasps out, spine arching, body spilling into Nico’s hands, and there’s a different inflection when he says his name. Nico wonders if it tastes odd on Lewis’s tongue, if it breaks in his mouth because he’s used to long, drawn-out syllables that tumble from his lips with ease. 

And Nico will let his lips ghost over the curves of Lewis’s shoulder blades and kiss him and think,  _who are you?_

_What am I to you?_

*

When Nico’s fingers splay over the landscape of Lewis’s skin, feeling the beat of his heart, strong and steady, something snaps inside him, hurt spilling between each vertebra, because it’s beating for somebody else. 

They lay together, a sweaty tangle of limbs, but it feels empty.

Loneliness tugs on Nico’s ribcage, flooding out like a cold mass beneath his skin. 

*

They hold hands, palm sliding on palm, only to find that Nico’s fingers don’t fit into the spaces between Lewis’s anymore, the skin on his hands carved out for somebody else. 

*

Nico wonders when Sebastian had settled in beneath Lewis’s skin, nestled himself neatly in the space between his ribs, crawled under his fingernails like a layer of grime that just can’t be washed off.

Lewis’s neck is peppered with purple love bites and he wears them proudly, lets them mark him out as Sebastian’s. 

Nico pretends it doesn’t hurt, tries to breathe around the gaping emptiness in his chest, and it’s funny, he thinks, how the heart breaks.

*

The taste of Sebastian lingers on Lewis’s tongue as it slides into Nico’s mouth, and it’s like Nico’s kissing him too. He can almost hear Sebastian’s laugh, curving on his back for Lewis, and it’s jarring, a building ache that spreads out until it tears the skin from Nico’s bones.

Lewis’s teeth graze Nico’s earlobe, mouth hot and wet, and _does Sebastian like that?_ echoes through his skull. 

 _Do you love me?_ Nico wants to ask, fingers pressing against the divot of Lewis’s hips, and Nico can feel the distance as Lewis writhes and whimpers beneath him because he’s remembering Sebastian’s fingertips and-

Nico loves Lewis, but he knows it’s not enough.

(Maybe he should be more like Sebastian, he thinks.)

*

Lewis talks about him in his sleep, and Nico listens, watches as Lewis’s mouth softens around the letters, as the name spills from his lips, unbidden. And it’s a cruel, stabbing kind of ache that fills him, resonates in his bones, heavy and bitter like heartbreak. 

Sebastian’s embedded in the topography of Lewis’s body, flowing through his veins, burning so deep on his skin as he sleeps next to Nico and- 

Nico wants to whisper into the curve of Lewis’s elbow, wants to tell him how much he loves him but Lewis isn’t his to love. 

*

The smell of Sebastian’s cologne clings to Lewis’s shirt, crumbled beneath Nico’s fingers, and he thinks that maybe, he could almost love him too. 

He’s _perfect._

*

Lewis and Nico, they-

They disintegrate with a whimper, not a bang, and Nico-

Nico falls into third place.


End file.
